Can't Stop School Bullies Until You Stop Adults Who Teach Them
8, 2008 -- For Immediate Release
are bullied need to know they are not the problem. Bullying is about
the bully needing to feel powerful. They believe their wants are
more important than anyone else's. They have learned to be abusers.
through specific tactics meant to instill fear
- Threats of
emotional, physical and psychological harm
by accusing the victim of being inferior or wrong
of the victim from others who may give support.
We must help
the victims. This can be done by;
to their stories of life at school
for changes in behaviour, especially from happy to fearful
their play and listening to how they interact with others
- Asking about
any indications that hint at being afraid or avoiding people or
You are looking
for fear of the school yard, anxiety about who will be in their
class, talk of having no friends, worry about their teacher's treatment
of them and in general a focus on feeling safe rather than excited
to be able to learn and grow.
We can identify
the way they talk to and about other children
the way their parents speak to them
- Look at who
their friends are and the interaction between them
- Paying attention
to the types of games they play and TV programs they prefer.
belittling and name calling, talk of "getting" other people,
a superior attitude with lack of care and empathy for others and
forming groups where the group acts aggressively against siblings,
younger children or members of a race, religion or sexual orientation.
Bullies often present as confident and popular so people believe
they are not the cause of the problem.
hold school officials accountable to stop abusive behaviour on the
school yard and in the classroom. The first place to look is at
the principals and teachers who bully students.
year parents work to keep their children out of certain teacher's
classes because those teachers are bullies. It is often the parents
who are least involved in their children's lives whose children
get the abusive teachers.
Too often children
are seen as the problem, their aches and pains and reluctance to
go to school are looked at but not the classroom environment.
- Parents can
- Get supportive
people to work as a group to hold bullies accountable.
- Avoid TV
programs that show bullies in action.
- Be Self aware
of tactics you may use to get your way
- Watch the
way others speak to your child and confront abuse.
People who bully
are usually going about their lives confident that the victim's
physical and emotional reactions were because they are too sensitive,
not mentally well and author of their own misfortune.
usually been bullied. They are afraid of appearing weak or fearful.
They need to tell their story of who has bullied them and how that
behaviour has influenced their life to break the chain. It may be
a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, neighbour, role model on
television, religious leader or teacher. Legal tactics include bullying
as do many other forms of business interaction. Many workplaces
are filled with bullies. War is bullying to the extreme.
There are lifelong
repercussions of bullying that effect the way a person functions
in their home and in society. Bullying causes a loss in self confidence,
hinders achievement, disrupts routines, brings fear into the lives
of parents and children, prevents parents from protecting their
children out of their own fear and leads to Post Traumatic Stress
involves forgiveness. Bullies need to,
- Hear the
impact of their behaviour on their victim
- Be willing
to accept responsibility for the harm they have done
evolve to a point where bullies are held accountable and their behaviour
is seen as unacceptable if we are to ever live in peace as people,
nations and globally.
Belleghem M.Ed. is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist who
consults to families in business on relationship issues including
bullying. She is author of books on personal growth through travel.
Questing Home: A Safe Place for My Holy Grail is her third book
and is about Marilyn's experience of being bullied by her former
husband, his lawyer and others as she went through the process of
Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed.
Registered Marriage and Family Therapist
905 639 0050
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